The Oscars might ordinarily bring out Hollywood’s Ps and Qs, but we were picking up on a little S and M vibe from some of the Academy’s finest this year. Oh yes.
Clearly “Fifty Shades” must have rubbed off on these kids (wink, wink nudge) you guys, because kink was definitely in the air all night long. Read on – no blindfold necessary, we promise – and find out the naughtiest nods of the night.
1. First, Dakota totes slipped a werdy derd onto live TV.
Dakota Johnson, a.k.a. Anastasia Steele herself in the box office-punishing hit, fitted with a whip-like décolletage dressing no less, managed to get the word “flogger” past the censors during the red carpet pre-show. Which was weird. Especially since her date was her mom, Melanie Griffith.
2. Which then opened a whole other can of worms.
Considering what it looked like last time they attended the Oscars together …
You just had to wonder how Melanie Griffith, an actress of some prestige (see also: “Milk Money”) herself, would feel about her daughter, erm, exposing herself so much to the public? Well, apparently, she doesn’t 100 percent approve of her “little girl” getting down and dirty on the big screen. Or at least she hasn’t seen it yet.
When discussing the risque pic on the red carpet, Dakota Johnson snapped at her mom-date, “Alright! You don’t have to see it. Jesus Christ, Mom.” Awk-waaaaaaaard.
3. And then there was Margot Robbie‘s necklace.
Just look at it. Do you see what we see going on there? (Hint: It rhymes with kitty castle.)
Given the super seductive neckline she’s got going on there, the “Focus” star made her intention here very clear.
4. Also, Jack Black Predicted the Cinematic Impact.
During his portion of the opening Oscars number, Jack Black whipped out a big … prediction on the “Fifty Shades” effect on the future of cinema as we know it, and according to him, leather whips are going to become a staple of the silver screen from now on. Hashtag #SorryNotSorry.
5. And then NPH said spanking bench.
As in grandmothers are going to have to teach their kids about spanking benches now that “Fifty Shades” has a
wet spot in the zeitgeist. Thanks Doogie.
6. Dakota Johnson Played Coy Presenter.
Was that Dakota or Ana we saw ushering in that oh-so-revered Maroon 5 performance tonight? ‘Cause Dakota Johnson was total fire sauce in red on the red carpet, but then she went all meek on the big stage.
Getting in character for the sequel already, DJ?
7. Meanwhile, NPH’s Junk Came Out to Play.
After an unfortunately-timed balls joke, NPH decided to put himself out there … like, really out there. As in, he walked onto the stage in nothing but his underoos and acted like nothing was different. ‘Cause why the hell not.
8. Not to mention, there was a whole movie called ‘Whiplash’ involved.
And it totally involved an overbearing bossyman who sculpted his young protege into complete submission. Annddddddddddddd there was underwear involved in that (sort of), too.