Yesterday, you went in to work all bright and chirpy. Yesterday, you worked all day and over time. Yesterday, you were a model employee. But today is not that day. Today is not a day to work. If you’ve killed most of your relatives and given yourself enough diseases to make HR very suspicious, you need to pull out something more creative from the bag of excuses. As usual, we are here to help you out. Here are some clever, foolproof excuses to get you out of work today. But we must warn you, don’t read this post at work. Your boss may be lurking around.
My dog ate my clothes. I’ve heard the office frowns upon nudity.
I have no money due to the unsalted mini-peanuts that are credited to my account every month.
In my cult, it is a sin to work on World Junk Food Day.
I had a dream that you and I were going to die today. My last dream was that I would live another day and it came true. We should stay home.
I had too much to drink last night. Now, my chakras need to heal this chronic disease, commonly known as “hangover.”
Apple says my phone needs to wind down and relax for a day. Today is that day. I have to stay home and show some love.
My life is ruined, my partner left me, my dog died, and my parents have disowned me. I have no family left. There is no reason for me to have any savings, or work anymore. But since I’m a thorough professional, I’ll just take the day off. See you tomorrow.
I stepped on a pebble and now my balance is off. I shouldn’t be around heavy, or light machinery, today.
I invited Khaleesi over for dinner and her dragons burnt my house to the ground. Guests, I tell you.
Bad hair day.
The Anna Wintour in me does not agree with my wardrobe. I can’t betray her.
The route to work is creepy. The threat of being haunted and/or possessed is real and should be acknowledged.
My overworked car deserves a day off. I’m too fabulous for public transport.
I’m protesting against the tyranny of weekdays. You can’t force me to go against my beliefs!
The supermarket is already out of chocolate. It’s going to be a bad day.
It seems like it’s going to rain. I need to gear up to chase the rainbow.
I’m calling in gay. It is a “disease,” isn’t it?
My app says I’m ovulating today. Must spend all day trying to get pregnant.
The irregular zebra crossing outside my house aggravates my OCD.
I miss Maggi.
Trials for Indian Idol are coming up soon. I must practice my vocals.
Now, enjoy your day off.